Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!


I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you’re against abortion, reblog.

I miss this girls so much . How I wished we were close like we used to . I know I can be quite egoistic at times . I’m sorry. I know there’s so many mistakes I’ve done. If I could turn back the time, I would really wish to amend my mistakes .

I miss grandpa so much . So badly . Every night I'll hear him calling my name to make a glass of hot milk for him . That's when I couldn't stop crying .

I lost someone I love the most . The one who had taken care of me since I was a child . 
I don't even had the chance to apologies . I couldn't even revived him . I felt so helpless . I let him out to work eventhough I knew it was impossible . If i had just stop him from going to work , He might still be here . He might still be alive . I couldn't forget how he fall . What his face was like . How I cried . How I panicked when I checked his pulse only to find his heartbeat was so weak that its barely there . How I shivered when I felt that he's not breathing . How I wished I knew CPR . How I wished the paramedics could come faster . How I wished Sis would stop playing the damn Iphone & come out to help him . How I wished she was more sensible & have a heart . How I sat in the ambulance crying alone . With no one to comfort me . How I wished I appreciate him more while he was around . It just happened in a split second . It was a sudden death . It was hard for me , hard for my family . He's everything to me . He never go against my wishes . Which makes me have this mindset of I'll get what I want . My life's in a mess now .

& I thought friends will be there when you needed them . Well , only one came . Some promised to be here . Well , promised afterall are just words . They never even leave a msg to inform that they're not attending . Thanks syura for everything . Thanks shikin for the comfort . I understand that your leg is injured .

 

 

I didn't attend school today . My eyes are being a bitch .
Meeting mich later at town . I'm super bored at home . I wanna watch The last song mann ! Karate Kid & Eclipse are are comin out soon . I'm so gonna watch it . I've got nothing much to blog actually .
Sunday I'm going to SENTOSA with mich , sam & asyura . I miss the beach , sand & the sun . Let's play beach ball !
Perhaps friday I'm gonna sleepover at twins' house . Its been awhile since I last saw Ibu & ayah .
okay , I'll update again soon . I gotta get ready , I didn't bath the whole day yesterday . I swear . I planned on saving water as much as I could . LOL . I don't wanna go town smelling like a dead rat though .

Life has been bitter-sweet for me . 
I'm pretty much busy preparing for my O lvl malay which is on monday . GODDAMN !
I'm anxious .

& I realised that those who have been there for me through hard times wasn't someone I thought it would be .
Its someone unexpected yet cherish you more than someone whom you thought would appreciate you .
Sometimes that someone whom you thought would appreciate you are just someone who stick with you in the beginning & left you when they get sick & tired of you .  I felt this way .
Perhaps its part & parcel of life .
I wanna thank this person who taught me to be more sensible & mature , Who taught me the grass is greener on the other side , Who taught me to appreciate the little things people had done for me and most importantly , to be myself .

Yes , I've changed & I hope its for the better .
 

I don't know why in the world I did that .



I need a maths tutor pretty badly . Someone , anyone , please recommend me a good one . I need help badly before I go haywire . Call me if you have one ; 82326944 (finding excuses to display my number . I was just kidding !)
Maths is making me go crazy .
My brain is in a mess . I've forgotten all about the formulas & everything . I'm beginning to wonder how I started loving maths last year .

My eyes are in horrible shape . Wasn't allowed to take my paper yesterday due to my condition . I would have failed if I did sat for the paper . I've got a throbbing headache which makes my eyes even worse . Cb , recover fast la please . I can't even study .

Okay , I gotta go . My eyes are being a bitch .

I've been telling myself this is the chance to be a 'somebody' in future . But then again , I don't seem to be working hard on it . I'm like wasting it .
Yes , it is extremely hard . But I did showed some improvement in class .
Still , its not enough :/

My result wasn't great but I would say it wasn't that bad either cause I actually thought that I was gonna fail everything . But I ended up getting C6 for eng , C5 for malay , A1 for F&N & F9 for the rest . LOL
I need help in maths & science . If i fail these two subjects then I wouldn't be able to get into Health Science in poly D:

Enough saying , I wanna go out with bro .
I wanna meet up with shikin to see her new hairstyle .
& btw , karaoke session last week with yatie & raph was frantically AWESOME !
singing your lungs out is the best medicine sometimes .
Another karaoke session this week ?

Anyway , I'm in a dilemma to either get myself a hp w contract (cause I can't afford to buy a fancy hp without contract ) However , I'm afraid that i won't be able to pay my monthly bills . Granny is already paying for my internet while I don't wanna add another burden to granddad as he has the usually bills to settle . TSK !
OR
A camera plus mp3 ?

Suggestion anyone ?
 

 

This picture was taken last year (:


This girl here wants to go to school badly ,
This girl here just missed the one thing she's always looking forward to the entire year (class photo-taking) ,
This girl here wants to go out with her friends whom she hasn't seen for ages ,
This girl here wants to go for a karaoke session with her bitchy friends ,
This girl here needs to buy a new soccer boots which she wants it to be green in colour & a new nike slipper since both the slipper & the boots are long gone ( I lost it at the bus-stop as I was too engrossed in my geog notes) ,
This girl here badly wants to buy a camera ,
This girl here hopes that her eyes are well again by tomorrow ,
This girl here wants to play bowling .

You see , this girl here is very demanding .
BTW , pheww , I did passed my geog test . Atleast all the studying didn't go to waste :DD